The Fumblerules of Grammar
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Remember to never split an infinitive.
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The passive voice should never be used.
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We should not make spelling misteaks in writing.
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Avoid run-on sentences they are hard to read.
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Don't use no double negatives.
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Use the semicolon properly, always use it where it is appropriate; and
never where it isn't.
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Reserve the apostrophe for it's proper use and omit it when its not needed.
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Do not put statements in the negative form.
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Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
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No sentence fragments.
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Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
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Avoid commas, that are not necessary.
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If you reread your work, you will find on rereading that a great deal of
repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.
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A writer must not shift your point of view.
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Eschew dialect, irregardless.
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And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
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Don't overuse exclamation marks!!!
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Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of
10 or more words, to their antecedents.
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Hyphenate between syllables and avoid un-necessary hyphens.
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Write all adverbial forms correct.
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Don’t use contractions in formal writing.
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Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
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It is incumbent on us to avoid archaisms.
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If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
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Steer clear of incorrect forms of verbs that have snuck in the language.
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Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixed metaphors.
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Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
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Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
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Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns
in their writing.
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If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, resist hyperbole.
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Also, avoid awkward or affected alliteration.
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Don't string too many prepositional phrases together unless you are walking
thorugh the valley of the shadow of death.
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Always pick on the correct idiom.
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"Avoid overuse of 'quotation "marks."'"
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The adverb always follows the verb.
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Last but not least, avoid clichés like the plague; seek viable alternatives.
Adapted from "On Language" The New York Times, November
4, 1979 by William Safire