| 9.9999973251 | It's a FLAW. Dammit, not a Bug | |||
| 8.9999163362 | It's Close Enough, We Say So | |||
| 7.9999414610 | Nearly 300 Correct Opcodes | |||
| 6.9999831538 | You Don't Need to Know What's Inside | |||
| 5.9999835137 | Redefining the PC--and Mathematics As Well | |||
| 4.9999999021 | We Fixed It, Really | |||
| 3.9998245917 | Division Considered Harmful | |||
| 2.9991523619 | Why Do You Think They Call It *Floating* Point? | |||
| 1.9999103517 | We're Looking for a Few Good Flaws | |||
| 0.9999999998 | The Errata Inside |
| 10. | Your current computer is too accurate |
| 9. | You want to get into the Guinness Book of World Records as "owner of most expensive paperweight" |
| 8. | Math errors add zest to life |
| 7. | You need an alibi for the IRS |
| 6. | You want to see what all the fuss is about |
| 5. | You've always wondered what it would be like to be a plaintiff |
| 4. | The "Intel Inside" logo matches you decor perfectly |
| 3. | You no longer have to worry about CPU overheating |
| 2. | You got a great deal from JPL |
| 1. | It'll probably work |
| APPLE: | Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity |
| BASIC: | Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control |
| CD-ROM: | Consumer Device - Rendered Obsolete in Months |
| COBOL: | Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language |
| DEC: | Do Expect Cuts |
| DOS: | Defunct (Defective) Operating System |
| IBM: | I Blame Microsoft |
| LISP: | Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis |
| MACINTOSH: | Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs |
| MICROSOFT: | Most Intelligent Customers Realise Our Software Only Fools Teenagers |
| MIPS: | Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed |
| OS/2: | Obsolete Soon, Too. |
| PCMCIA: | People Can't Memorise Computer Industry Acronyms |
| PENTIUM: | Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Maths |
| RISC: | Reduced Into Silly Code |
| SCSI: | System Can't See It |
| WINDOWS: | Will Install Needless Data On Whole System |
| WWW: | World Wide Wait |
| 486: | The average IQ needed to understand a PC. |
| State-of-the-art: | Any computer you can't afford. |
| Obsolete: | Any computer you own. |
| Microsecond: | The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete. |
| G3: | Apple's new Macs that make you say "Gee, three times faster than the computer I bought for the same price a Microsecond ago." |
| Syntax Error: | Walking into a computer store and saying, "Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object." |
| Hard Drive: | The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, esp. after a Syntax Error. |
| GUI: | What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it. |
| Keyboard: | The standard way to generate computer errors. |
| Mouse: | An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate. |
| Floppy: | The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer. |
| Portable Computer: | A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips. |
| Disk Crash: | A typical computer response to any critical deadline. |
| Power User: | Anyone who can format a disk from DOS. |
| System Update: | A quick method of trashing ALL of your software. |