Writing 1 (Examples) Discussion

Writing Test 1 (Illustration/Examples Paragraph)

(20 points, 1 hour, in class) Choose one of the following topics and write a paragraph of ten to twelve sentences with examples that illustrate your chosen prompt. It is useful to take a few minutes before writing to formulate a clear, focused, and engaging topic sentence to begin your example paragraph, and outline/organize vivid examples to illustrate and support that topic sentence. Give your piece a title if you like.

Positive habits that you admire in other people
Worthwhile freshman activities at Chula
Favorite childhood toys
Wildlife in city life
Tips for looking right

A good paragraph should be clear and interesting. In these writing assignments you are evaluated in the following three areas that make for clear and interesting written communication of your ideas.

Thesis: Recall that in your writing supplement, a thesis or a topic sentence is defined as a complete sentence that states the main idea of the paragraph, and that, for the purposes of this course, "the paragraphs you write...will always begin with a topic sentence." A paragraph contains one main idea, that main idea is stated or announced in the topic sentence. Whatever you call the topic sentence—some might call it a thesis statement, a thesis, a controlling idea, an idea, a topic, a point, or an argument—it has the same function: that of grounding the paragraph with one limited coherent idea, expressed in the form of a complete sentence.

General comments about thesis:

Some students forget that the first sentence of the paragraph needs to be the thesis statement or topic sentence. They begin with a question, which is not a thesis statement.
Some students forget that this is an examples (illustration) paragraph and not a reasons paragraph. The given topics prompt for examples that illustrate, not reasons that convince. The first topic, for instance, asks you to write a paragraph that provides examples of good habits that other people have that you like. The second topic asks you to give examples of first year activities worth doing in your paragraph. Your examples should show different activities instead of just one. The third topic asks you to give examples of your childhood toys. Again, you want to mention several toys rather than only one.

Student thesis 1: The first sentence of the paragraph is a question, not a topic sentence. It is also very broad and vague. It does not tell the reader specifically enough what the entire paragraph will be about. We do not know the direction or scope of the body of the paragraph from this sentence.

How is good or bad?

Student thesis 2: There is no question mark at the end of this sentence, but again it is a question. A question is not a good topic sentence because it is usually not informative enough to show the paragraph's main idea, its scope and direction, and sometimes also its stance or viewpoint. This beginning question could lead to a paragraph about toys, about admirable characteristics, about looking right, or about freshman activities like film night. It is too unclear to function as a good topic sentence.

Have you ever seen the movie named "Toy Story."

Student thesis 4: This is an interesting sentence that is "carefully worded to express a limited main idea." Unfortunately it is a good topic sentence for a reasons paragraph (Why is a particular freshman activity worthwhile?) rather than for an examples paragraph (Worthwhile freshman activities at Chula). For an examples paragraph, you want to give many examples of freshman activities. You can use the multiple activities given to illustrate the range of possibilities, to clarify that there are worthwhile first year activities at Chula, not only boring, nonsensical or painful ones, or to allow your readers to see for themselves whatever idea you want to point out with the array of example activities. Regardless of how you limit or narrow down your topic sentence from the topic prompt, your paragraph should provide several activities. That is, your topic sentence should allow for illustration with three or more examples of worthwhile freshman activities.

What this topic sentence announces is examples of reasons why one activity is worthwhile rather than examples of activities that are worthwhile. So, it is not quite what the prompt is asking for.

Joining in Latin dancing in "CU Freshy Game" is one of the most worthwhile freshman activities at Chula because health, unity and friendship are what I got from this activity.

Student thesis 5: This student has narrowed down the topic from "worthwhile freshman activities at Chula" to "worthwhile freshman activities at Chula that are clubs." She has a stance; she claims that the kind of worthwhile freshman activities at Chula has to do with student organizations. So, this topic sentence is good in that it has a clear focus that is more limited than the topic prompt and there is a well-defined scope: she is only going to discuss student clubs. The emphasis on the sentence, however, is on "being a great way to fulfill..." rather than on variety of clubs.

We might quibble that this is an ambiguous topic sentence: it can announce a reasons paragraph that is trying to convince the reader with evidence that answers the question "Why is joining clubs a worthwhile first year Chula activity?" or it can announce an examples paragraph that is illustrating different worthwhile clubs with examples that answer the question "What clubs are worthwhile first year Chula activities?" We might also object that clubs are not exclusively freshman activities; students of all years can join. So, it is not answering the prompt which asks specifically for freshman activities. These are valid comments. The problems with the topic sentence would be somewhat clarified in the paragraph body if the examples the student gives focuses on clubs rather than on reasons. The student goes on to identify academic clubs, sports clubs, and music clubs as her main examples. This is fine. But her discussion of each example should illustrate how these club activities are especially useful for first year students, thereby keeping the focus on the clubs as worthwhile freshman activities.

Joining clubs would be a great way to fulfill your first year at Chula.

Student thesis 7: Despite its awkward phrasing and uninspired simplicity, this is a topic sentence that is clear, on topic, and proper in its announcement or anticipation of examples to come. We read this sentence and we know that the paragraph is going to be about how to look good, and we expect what follows to be examples of looking well that is very simple to achieve.

Being people that have a good looking is very easy to do.

Student examples 1: These are examples that illustrate ways of playing with one toy rather than examples of childhood toys as the prompt demands.

For example, I could be a doctor and my Barbie doll would be my patient. Sometimes I could be a hair stylist or a designer.

Logical Order: As we discussed in class and as the writing supplement indicates, a good paragraph has a logical flow. For this illustration paragraph writing assignment, this means that the examples you give to illustrate your topic sentence needs to be organized in some logical order. You might give examples of less time consuming freshman activities to more time consuming (but rewarding) activities, or provide examples of your best-loved childhood toys in chronological order, or present examples of good habits from qualities that are more concrete to more abstract.

Unity: Everything in the paragraph--from the topic sentence to the examples to the conclusion--should hang together and be on topic in a coherent and consistent way. This is called unity.

Chin, Peter, et al. Academic Writing Skills Student's Book 1. Cambridge: Cambridge UP, 2012. Print.